If you choose to sext, there are some things you need to know.
Article written for Yourtango.com
Sex and technology has taken an exciting new turn. Smart phones with high quality camera and video capabilities have taken the idea of phone sex to a whole new level.
You can be thousands of miles apart or the next town over and seduce your partner with all sorts of sexually explicit treats. It can definitely spice up your relationship by adding excitement and keep your partner stimulated in ways that will leave them wanting more.
Just as sexting has its advantages, it also has the potential to spark disaster; the internet is just filled with nude pics from your favorite celebs phones. If you are not careful and selective about who sees your private photos, all of your business could be permanently displayed for the world to see.
Here are my eight Do’s and Don’ts for sexting:
1. Don’t sext too soon. Just because someone gives you their phone number does not mean that you should automatically start texting dirty talk and sexy photos. You should take the time to make sure you trust the person that you want to sext. If it doesn’t feel right, act on the side of caution and just don’t do it! I have seen and heard instances of people sexting someone they meet in a club and their photos end up on online porn sites. Once it’s out there, there is not too much you can do get it off.
2. Don’t sext before having live sex. The worst thing you can do is over deliver via text and under deliver when it’s time for the real thing. You also don’t want to kill the curiosity your partner may have about your sexual performance. I advise you not to say or show anything that you have not already demonstrated in person.
3. Do be a tease. The best sext always stems from hot foreplay; take the time to flirt and build up anticipation. Send a teaser text or picture that doesn’t give up all your goods at once. Be creative because it will make the experience last longer.
4. Do mirror your partners mood. Start off slow and test the waters to see what type of mood your partner is in. You don’t want to go in fully loaded if your partner is on a different wave pattern. Try your best to match their mood by mirroring their tone and paying attention to their communication style.
5. Don’t be a selfish sexter. Make sure that both parties are comfortable and are being satisfied with the level of participation. Just like live sex, there should be equal amounts of give and take. If not, your partner may feel cheated by participating in bad sext and is not likely to offer this perk to you again in the future.
6. Do focus on the details. Be descriptive; from soft and sensual to wild and just plain freaky, you have to make sure you are creating a hot scenario. The person on the other end needs to be engaged so make sure you don’t skim on the details. Keep them turned on by asking questions, for example: “How does it feel?” or “Tell me what makes you feel good?” Pay attention his or her wants and needs as this information can also be used to maximize the live experience.
7. Don’t drink and sext. One of my best friends decided to send a drunken sext after a wild night out on the town. To both of our surprise, he accidently sent a picture of his penis to me. The next morning I had to let him know that I had seen more of him than I ever needed to see in my whole life and it was quite embarrassing for the both of us. Just imagine if it he had accidently sent it to his boss or his mom?
Overall, just don’t sext unless you are sober because there is just too much potential for you to mess up something that could be really great. Also, if the message does reach its intended recipient, you may say the wrong thing and you don’t want to run the risk of turning your partner off or look like you are begging for sex.
8. Don’t use sexting as a substitute for the real thing. Sexting can be addictive, especially for someone who may not have done it before. It provides an adrenaline rush and can possibly change the dynamic of your sexual relationship. It can become all about the rush of doing something naughty and take the focus off of the intimacy of the activity. Make sure to create a healthy balance between the different types of sex you have and keep the passion and excitement going.
Besides being a YourTango Dating Expert, J. Cameron Gantt is the Head Dating Coach at Insti(Gay)tor, a Chicago-based GLBT matchmaking agency. Need advice? Contact him directy via YourTango.com/experts or visit www.instigaytor.com for more info.